![]() ![]() Me but that’s when our human nature comes in and I got used by a lot of people. And for the most part it worked, devoting myself and helping people as much as I can really did satisfy Happy… It filled up the hole inside of me which urges for the girl which would stitch it up. The happiness of others has always been my drive and allowed me to achieve levels of selflessness that would be considered madness by some people. Heights I can not compare to anything else. It had scarred my confidence and influenced my insecurity to Look like it’s not that big of a deal, but trust me that is the heaviest blow I have received up until now. I do not know if by making it sound a bit comical I make it Ever since then I have managed to maintain my weight but was never satisfied with the way I looked. I am really proud of what I have achieved but losing 30kg when being 120 was, progress nonetheless, but not enough. He did it that’s so great“… well not really. A year and half later here I am 30kg less. What I have become that I started going to a gym regularly. That’s when I started hating myself so much for Yeah, this is how my highschool years went by, well at least until the last two years. Relationships and putting everything I can find in my mouth without any control… Yeah I loved going to “drink” water at night, just so it happened that the fridge was next to the sink and let me Did I not tell you I was pathetic at the start? So here I am dreaming of idealistic You get older, and when you get older you start making decisions for yourself and myĭecision was to eat even more resting on that same thought that it was not my fault I was like this. It might be that when I was little people made sure I ate but that does not continue forever. ![]() My grandmother, God bless her soul, did not want to see me hungry but that’s just an excuse you make to make yourself feel better, that it was not in your control. Know this, I have been overweight all my life as much as I can Know why? Right around this moment my other problem kicks in. Well that lasted for about a week at it’s best. Start a new chapter in my life and approach girls that I find appealing to see if anything would happen. Yeah, I was totally convinced that I would not have to do anything and that it would just happen… Wellllll that was not the case, not even close. and there she’ll be, but man was I foolish. It would be like the snap of fingers… (poof). When I want to I canīe really persuasive and apparently I was best at convincing myself that this girl would come on her own. Ask the people that know me and the majority will tell you that I am naive, but they do not even know how naive I can be. Me… In order to find that girl I need to look for her. I want it to mean something… In order to do that I need to find that girl that means something to Is not that I did not have the opportunity until now, it’s more like I kind of want those things to actually have a meaning, more than just the casual hook up…īut that’s where my problem is. Life, hardly ever kissed a girl - all of that adds up to the experience of a highschool freshman, but I am looking forward to those things with my whole heart, however, it just does not happen. Do not get me wrong, I may have never had sex in my Those friends of mine grew up and realised (at least I hope they did) that having someone next to you who got you… who knew you like the back of their hands but still stayed around and lookedĪfter you was much more important than the physical pleasure you could get by some 20-30 minutes act of copulation. Getting into relationships, most of which were aiming just to get into the other person’s pants which was completely normal at the age that we were. With time passing by I could see all of my friends Looking at it as naive as any other person, imagining perfect scenarios where both of you get along perfectly and there is no conflict whatsoever. Pathetic indeed!Īll my life I’ve been mesmerized by the idea of finding that person who I can be in my skin with and not have a drop of doubt or insecurity. Strongly but yet all he gets is heartbreak. You know, I’m the type who can love so deeply, so Those words… It was then that I realised how pathetic I was and still am. ![]()
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